He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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