hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
