would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
