Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
