Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
