Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
