Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
