It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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