I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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