I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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