Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
