where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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