I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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