i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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