So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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