please come you make the beer taste better
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize