I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
