I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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