1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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