you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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