8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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