im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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