So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do herpes really smell.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
