You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
