brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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