let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
