And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
