in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need a beard to bite.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
