VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
