oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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