someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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