Pappa wants mamma naked
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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