Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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