There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why can't burritos get me drunk
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
