we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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