when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i need some magic done to my vagina
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
