Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
As shirtless as possible
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Randomize
