party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She just used a chaser for red wine.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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