the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
