the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
