Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
