I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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