I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
