i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
