We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize