Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
