You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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