someone get that fucking seahorse.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
