I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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