omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Too much gin, very little bucket
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
