I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
