Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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