Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
