Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
