I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
we're so committed to being not committed
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