I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
