The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
