dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
