So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
