even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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