I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
