Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
