woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
