you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
