Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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