Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
