Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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