I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
