i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
