Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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