Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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