I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She swung at the pinata with crutches
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
