please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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