I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
